The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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