dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
