Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
