There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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