After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
