I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
