We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
