Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
