I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
