real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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