Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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