Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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