dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
