There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
