we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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