used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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