i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
