Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
