I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
