hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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