What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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