I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
