pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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