oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
