shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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