It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
