i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
