I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
