there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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