He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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