He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
