Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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