Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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