Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
