come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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