I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
