i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
