oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
