I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
