New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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