Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
