what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
