k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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