we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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