if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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