my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
