What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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