i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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