I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
