you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
