No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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