What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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