DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
