I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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