finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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