No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
