Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
