if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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