she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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