can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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