tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im part way to drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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